I heard about the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, long before I read it. I wondered what all of the hoopla was about. Then I borrowed it from my daughter and started reading it.
I found that the male character in the book was somewhat inspirational as far as his mastery of life and also his level of wealth.
I felt that the female character was pitiful and manipulative.
The literary quality of the writing was nauseatingly sub par.
Being of a feministic persuasion I was horrified that so many women found this book to be enticing.
Around this time in my life I dated a couple of men who were into BDSM. The first one swept me off of my feet on the first date. He was handsome, intelligent and could sing and play piano better than Frank Sinatra.
He also explained to me why women find BDSM exciting. He said that the brain can not process pleasure and pain at the same time so when you are in the mode of pleasure and someone introduces pain it goes on the same path as pleasure, increasing it exponentially.
It was only after a couple more meetings and some pretty extensive conversations that I realized what this man was capable of. I came to the understanding that to continue to date this man was to risk being psychologically tortured in his quest for control.
Those of you who know me from reading this blog know I would not tolerate that for a second. I did admire his honesty though. A true abuser would not have exposed his plans prior to brainwashing me into thinking I deserved the psychological abuse.
The next man only hinted at what his fantasies were. We never got to the point were his fantasies became a reality.
I have found that there is something attractive about a man who is dominant but something very manipulative about a man who is into BDSM.
There is a very fine line separating the two entities.
A man who is dominant does not doubt his worth. He knows how to handle himself. He also knows how to respect a woman.
BDSM is abusive and includes no respect.
Although I could not stomach reading any more of Ms. James’ books, my aunt told me that she had a friend who read all three. She said it was a classic expose’ on an abusive relationship and eventually the girl ditched the guy.
I am concerned for the effect this has had on women and the harm this series has done to promote women as capable human beings worthy of respect.
My friend that I mentioned in the previous post said his wife had read Fifty Shades of Grey. I wonder if that was a contributing factor in her decision to return to her abuser? If it was these books may have done harm to many women that are at risk for being abused.
With this in mind I would advise women who have had a history of abuse to avoid reading any of these books or books of this genre.